'Getting older's nothing to be ashamed of,' I said comfortingly. 'Who cares if the last time you went to a nightclub you had to shove cotton wool in your ears because it was too loud and then had to be taken to the local Accident and Emergency Department to have it surgically removed because you'd shoved it in too far?'

'You're kidding, right?' said Gershwin, in amazement.

'I wish I was.' I sighed. 'Five hours I had to wait, just for some doctor barely out of short trousers to give me a disparaging look and yank it out with a pair of long tweezers. As I explained how it had happened I could see in his face that he was just dying to say, "Leave the clubbing to the kids, Grandpa." Elaine was mortified.'